Monday, 5 June 2017

IS ORAL SEX OKAY FOR CHRISTIAN COUPLES?

Author Unknown
DEAR ALOZIE IS ORAL SEX OKAY FOR CHRISTIANS COUPLES?
Dear Alozie May God continue to enrich you.
Please sir, there's something I want you to clear me of because you preaches raw.
Please what's your take on oral sex? Is it okay for a Christian couples?
Are there really boundaries couples can't cross when it comes to sex and sexual satisfaction?
What can one do if one's partner isn't comfortable with it? Please help me dissect the issue very well as I know you would, are there any disadvantages too?
Thanks you.
Dear sender, am happy to hear from you.
Oral sex is sexual bonding using the oratory parts of the body, the mouth, the tongue and the lips, to stimulate, to connect, caress and to arouse your partner during sexual intimacy.
Is oral sex okay for Christians?
Are Christians human being? Yes
Are human beings meant to enjoy sex? Yes
Where can they enjoy sex? In marriage
How are they to enjoy sex? However they choose
Can they practice oral sex? If they wish to.
Is oral sex a sin? No.
Are there boundaries that couples can't cross when it comes to sex and sexual satisfaction?
There's no boundaries that couples can't cross when it comes to oral sex and sexual satisfaction, as long as they're safe, healthy and pain free.
What can one do if one's partner isn't comfortable with it? Teach, guide, or negotiate other ways to meet the sexual needs of your partner and strengthen your marriage.
Are there disadvantages too?
If your partner is not sexually satisfied in your home, you increase their chances of falling prey to temptations or infidelity.
If an individual frustrates his or her partner by refusing oral sex, he or she is exposing his or her partner to infidelity.
CAUTION:
Oral sex is not for dirty individuals or those with a horrible hygiene. Also it's not for unfaithful partners because oral sex is based on trust and fidelity.
If your partner is sexually promiscuous, oral sex is not advisable.
If your partner have issues with his or her personal hygiene, oral sex is also not advisable.
Though some individuals lick the anus, please it is not safe and healthy for oral sex. I hope this will help your Marriage.
Sincerely yours in his service Alozie. 
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Friday, 26 May 2017

A PSYCHOLOGIST SHARES HER 8- STEP RESCUE PLAN FOR MARRIAGE PROBLEMS.

Author Unknown

About the Author








I am a psychologist who specializes in marriage rescue for couples facing marriage problems.  When couples first contact me formarriage help, they typically feel distressed and even hopeless about their relationship. If they can look back and remember earlier good times however, that usually signals a marriage that can be saved.  In fact, this kind of marriage has potential to become the kind of partnership the couple had hoped for when they said, "I do." 
What transitions couples from desperation about their difficulties to delight in sharing their lives together?  Here’s the 8-step pathway along which I guide my therapy clients, and which you are welcome to take as well. 
1. Make a list of all the issues about which you have disagreements, including the issues that you refrain from talking about out of fear that talking might lead to arguing.
Your self-help treatment will be complete when you have found mutually agreeable solutions to all of these issues, and also have learned the skills to resolve new issues as they arise with similarly win-win solutions. 
If the list seems interminable because you fight about everything from time of day to where to live, odds are the problem is less that you are facing some challenging differences, and more that your manner of talking with each other needs a major upgrade.
2. Fix your focus solidly on yourself.  Attempts to get your partner to change invite defensiveness.  No one likes being told they're doing things wrong or, far worse, that they are a bad person.   Better by far for both of you each to use your energies and intelligence to figure out what YOU could do differently.
Here's a question that can get you started.  What would enable you to stay loving and good-humored even if the frustrating pieces in your spouse’s repertoire never get an upgrade?  That's how to become “self-centered” in the best sense.  If both of you are seeking to do your own upgrades, the marriage will blossom.
3. Cut the crap (Pardon please my language).  The point is that negative muck that you give each other is totally unhelpful.  It only taints a positive relationship.  That means no more criticism, complaints, blame, accusations, anger, sarcasm, mean digs, snide remarks, …. get it? 
No more anger escalations either.  Stay in the calm zone.  Exit early and often if either of you is beginning to get heated.  Learn to calm yourself,  and then re-engage cooperatively.
Research psychologist John Gottman has found that marriages generally survive if the ratio of good to bad interactions is 5 to 1.  Do you want to barely survive?  Or do you want to save the marriage in a way that will make it thrive?  If thriving is your goal, aim for 100,000,000:1.  That means, don’t sling mud at all.  Cut the crap.
4. Learn how to express concerns constructively.  A simple way to do that in sensitive conversations is to stick with the following four sentence-starter options.  In my clinical work I call these "the pink sheet." I hand it out (printed on pink paper) to couples for them to use in  discussions on topics that they know could be prickly.  
I feel (followed by a one-word feeling such as anxious, sad, etc) …
My concern is ………..
I would like to … [note, NEVER use "I would like you to …."]
How would you feel about that?  or,What's your thoughts on that?
5. Learn how to make decisions cooperatively.  I call collaborativedecision-making the “win-win waltz.”  
The goal of win-win is a plan of action that pleases you both.  No more aiming to “get your way.”  Instead, when you have differences, express your underlying concerns, listen to your partner’s concerns, and create a solution responsive to all the concerns of both of you.
Practice this skill on all the issues you listed in step 1.  You may be amazed at how even on the issues that seemed so intractable you really can find solutions that will work for both of you.
6. Eliminate the three A’s that ruin marriages.
Affairs, Addictions, and excessive Anger are deal-breakers.  They are out-of-bounds in a healthy marriage.  Game over. 
If you are indulging in one of these self-defeating and relationship-destroying habits, get help and get it out of your life. 
If your spouse has these problems, saving this kind of marriage could be a mistaken goal.  Better to end a marriage than to tolerate these bad habits.  However, the ideal is for the two of you both to commit to building a new kind of marriage, a marriage where there are zero affairs, addictions or excessive anger and instead lots of love and trust.
So end the old marriage.  Build a new one with the same partner.
7.  Radically increase the positive energies you give your partner. 
Smile more. Touch more. Hug more.  More “eye kisses.”  More sex. More shared time and shared projects. More appreciation.  More dwelling on what you like about your partner.
Respond more often with agreement in response to things your partner says that in the past  you might have answered with “But…”. Listening is loving, especially when you are listening to take in information, not to show what's wrong with what your partner says or to show that you know more.
Help out more.  Give more praise and more gratitude.  Do more fun activities together.  Laugh and joke more, do new things and go new places together. 
The best things in life really are free.  And the more positives you give, the more you’ll get.
I wrote above about Gottman's 5:1 ratio.  Increasing the positives is every bit as important as decreasing negatives to hit a 100,000,000:1 ratio.
8. Look back at your parents' marriagestrengths and weaknesses.  Decide what you want to do differently.  
When people marry they bring along a recording in their head of how theirparents treated each other, and also how they were treated by their parents.  These relationships are where folks learn patterns of interacting for intimate relationships.  Decide consciously what to keep from your folks and what to do differently.
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Sunday, 2 April 2017

SAILING THROUGH THE NINE MONTHS

Author Unknown
Right from the time the pregnancy results come positive to the time the mother delivers the baby, the wait for the baby all through the nine months is nothing short of a roller coaster ride. It is largely perceived as a very happy period for most women, but the truth is far from reality.
Expectant mother faces a myriad of challenges, hormonal changes, physical discomforts etc., at various stages during their pregnancy. A good and understanding doctor can change things around for a woman by lending an ear to her problems and reassuring her that it is normal.
• First trimester: In the first three months the mother generally goes through composite emotions like joy, fear, anxiety, tiredness, general lack of interest and sometimes even unexplained sadness. Many women feel extremely guilty about it and are unaware that it is very normal to feel so. All the pregnancy related hormones are secreted during this period, causing the physical and mental changes. An understanding of the fact that the arrays of emotions are due to the changes in the biological system, can help the women sail through it with ease. Another important aspect of the first trimester is the feeling of nausea that restricts the woman from consuming healthy food. Discussing this concern with the doctor is important, as in suitable cases, the doctor may prescribe medications to circumvent this problem.
Supportive family members and friends also go a long way in making the mother enjoy her pregnancy. Here are some of the common problems that expectant mothers face during the three trimesters of pregnancy.
• Second trimester: The second trimester is a very easy and comfortable period of pregnancy, where women get back their energy and appetite. Although there can be minor discomforts from a growing baby bump, this phase is predominantly enjoyable for expectant mothers. Many women feel positive and energized during this trimester and even head out for a quick baby moon with their loved ones. This is the period where many critical scans are scheduled to continuously assess the growth of the baby. There is also a considerable weight gain in the mother during this period.
• Third trimester: The last and final three months can again be a little challenging for the mother as she may have to deal with the increasing body weight and baby weight. Heartburn and fluid accumulation are quite common conditions during this period and the sleep may get affected. Although it is normal for women to be anxious about the due date, it is best to shift the focus away from it and carry on with the normal activities. It is the best time to pack a small basket with all the essentials to be taken to the hospital and inform your primary caregiver about it.
Lastly, preferably choose a hospital with good pregnancy doctors and neonatologists. A children’s hospital attached to the gynecologist clinic can be very helpful for neonatal care and vaccination. 

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Monday, 27 February 2017

25 LOVING WORDS TO SAY TO YOUR SPOUSE.

Author Unknown
It’s nice to always say loving words to your spouse. Sometimes it makes all the difference in the world for them to
hear you give them some feedback and appreciation.
Take a look at these 25 ideal ways to let them know
how much they are loved.

Appreciate

“I appreciate you.”

Care


“How can I show
you I care?”


Wonderful

“You’re a
wonderful person.”


Love

“I love you.”

Fascinating

“You’re really
fascinating.”


Thank You!


You’re my world!

“I can’t imagine a
more perfect life
without you in it.”


Sexy

“Wow! You look so
sexy.”


Massage

“Can I give you
a massage?”


Adore

“I adore you.”

Make it better

“How can I make
your life better?”


Happy

“You make me so
happy.”


Delicious

“This meal is really
delicious.”


I missed you.

“I’m glad you’re
home! I missed
you.”


Beautiful

“You have
beautiful eyes.”


Greatest

“You’re the
greatest person I
know.”


Excellent

“You’re such an
excellent spouse.”


Amazing

“You’re so
amazing.”


Talented

“You’re very
talented.”


Vacation

“Where would you
like to go on our
vacation?”


Best thing

“You’re the best
thing that ever
happened in my
life.”


I’m here for you.

“I’m here for you
when you need
me.”


Light

“You are the light
of my life.”


Spectacular

“You’re outfit is
spectacular.”


Help

“What can I do to
help you?”

Remember that whatever you say or do in your relationship is to preserve your romance and keep it hot and alive.
Loving words for your spouse
This list goes a long way to help you achieve what you imagine.

Share greater ways you know- we might learn from you and we might feature it in your name.

Make someone see this. Share to care- you might just save a relationship.


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Sunday, 26 February 2017

When your partner asks, "Where were you?" is it always necessary to tell them?

Author Unknown
Where were you
I stumbled upon this while surfing cool on one of our relationship forum loveshack.org and it tickled my feelings, I would like make some clarification on certain points raised.
Hope to get your audience as we proceed. 

So say you're in a relationship with someone. Say every time you come home a little late or something they ask,"Where were you?", you should always calmly tell them where you were, right? Because in all honesty, if my S.O. kept asking me that, I would be a bit annoyed because it would feel a bit nosy on her part, but at the same time, she's my S.O. Communication is necessary for a successful relationship. So the best thing to do would be to suck it up and just tell her where you were, right? I would be annoyed because it really isn't any of her business where I am, but she still has a right to know.
Even though my business is my business, it's still not all about me. It's about Us. What do you guys think? I would try to be the kind of guy to not always nag her like that.
I'm sure it would be hard...but I wouldn't want to be that guy because she still has the freedom to do what she wants without people always nosing in her business, but if she wants to know what I was doing on my end I'll givein just for her if it makes her more comfortable.

Relationship arithmetic.

The question went loud and you agreed. 
Do you accept to get married and become one, to the will of the Almighty
Your response- yes I agree. 

From the time You walked down the aisle, you already agreed to the relationship arithmetic,
1+1=1.
So what does mean by saying it his/her business to know anything that concerns them directly- because she's you and his you too. 

The most important elements in every relationship are love, respect, mutual trust and effective communication. 
For your relationship to flourish you to communicate effectively with your significant other(S.O).

answering such question without hurting your relationship

Know that not every question is right to be answered for the sake of your relationship. When they ask to know, try at first to skip the question. 
Open up a new topic with unreferenced transition trying to avoid the question in the first place. 

If they are insistent to know where you are coming from, then just say it. 

Take a breath 
Cool your self
Remove every anger, rage or agitation. 
Hold their hands and just say
"I'm sorry for keeping you waiting, I was just coming from ......... 

If you must get this right, be sure to know that it's your spouse right to know and it's your service to your relationship to say it. 

A little thing can ruin your relationship, keep your mutual trust- be on top of small things. 

Share greater ways to answer such question without harming your relationship in the comment section, let the world learn from your experience.

It would just be great if you'd share this too.
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Saturday, 25 February 2017

11 tips that will keep your relationship healthy and healthier

Author Unknown
HEALTHIER
RELATIONSHIP
When the relationships in your life are going well, it’s much easier to be happy. When your relationships are
misfiring, nothing else seems to go well, either. One thing is for sure: fulfilling relationships are an important 
part of enjoying life. Spend the time and effort needed to keep your relationships happy and healthy. You’ll
be glad you did!
tips for a healthy relationship
tips for a healthy relationship

Strengthen your relationships daily:


Give what you
hope to receive.


When you notice yourself wanting something from your partner,
Stop and label it.
I need your respect;
I need you to clean up after yourself;
I need you to notice how much I do for you.
Once you become aware of the need for certain qualities in this way,
Give what you hope to receive.
If you are demanding respect from your partner,
Give your partner respect.
If you are demanding to be heard by your partner,
Make a practice of hearing.
If you are demanding that your partner be more mindful,
Try to pay closer attention to each moment.
Shift the attention from the trickle
You hope to elicit from outside,
To the ocean that you can become within yourself.

Think before
you speak.


Speaking before you think is a bad habit that can get you into trouble and hurt you in the most important areas of your life. Relationships will suffer or end, your career will be stalled at a level far below your talents, and most importantly, you will have little confidence in yourself.

Your speech shapes your life. Time and again you find yourself in situations where the outcome depends on what you say and how you say it. Your words are a reflection of who you are. If your words are getting you into trouble, you’re showing others the very worst parts of you. You’re presenting yourself as being thoughtless, careless or just plain hurtful.

Not only do your words create a positive or negative reaction in the world around you; your speech influences your thinking and can alter the course of your future. Your words are a way of underlining your thoughts and reinforcing them. When your words are harsh, negative, inconsiderate, or judgmental then these are the aspects of your experience that are emphasized. It won’t be long before you have developed the habit of always focusing your thoughts on the darker side of life. You know what kind of a person this will turn you into – a miserable, depressing and mean spirited person who sees only the bad and not the good in others or in life.

Realize that you can
control only yourself.


“You can’t change other people; you can only change yourself” is one of those lessons I’ve had to learn over and over again. And then sometimes I forget it and have to learn it again.
You don’t get very far in a family business, for example, without learning this lesson. I am very thankful that my siblings and I learned it early and often. Think about a sibling for a minute. Can you change even one of his or her possibly annoying behaviors? No. You can’t. Siblings are who they are, and you can only change your own reaction, response, and behavior. Some people do this by moving to other states, or even countries. Some people do this by never speaking to their siblings again. But in a family business that’s committed to staying a family business, you learn to change yourself. It does work!
Of course this truth applies to other relationships, as well. Sometimes no amount of effort to influence can create the change you want to see. In an intimate relationship, that can be heartbreaking. Whether it’s something big or something little (is anything really “little” in a relationship?), it’s the same: All you can do is change your own reaction, response, and behavior. If you truly, genuinely express your heart and someone doesn’t respond the way you’d like him or her to, and you try something different and it still doesn’t work, you have to face the honest truth that the only thing you can change is yourself. Sometimes that means staying in the relationship in a different way. Other times, it means leaving it.

Be open regarding
your needs.


Asserting yourself effectively allows you to turn a weakness into an asset. Typically, it is socially unacceptable to sound needy, but if you need to be reassured a lot that your partner loves you and is attracted to you, that’s okay.
Asserting your needs actually attracts women. Instead of coming off like a needy guy, you come off sounding like you understand yourself, and like you are confident and assertive. The key to effective communication is to do so inoffensively, instead of putting your partner on the spot in the blame game, encouraging them to be open with you without feeling attacked or blamed.

Choose your
battles wisely.


Choose your battles means to be selective of the problems, arguments, and confrontations that you engage with. Instead of getting involved with everything, you save your time only for the important arguments, the ones give you the best payoff, and the ones where there is a good chance of success. This applies to your work, relationships, and life.
When you choose your battles, you
Evaluate the problem you are facing,
Assess if the benefits of tackling it outweighs the costs, and
Decide if you should fight this problem or abandon it.
“Choose your battles wisely. After all, life isn’t measured by how many times you stood up to fight. It’s not winning battles that makes you happy, but it’s how many times you turned away and chose to look into a better direction. Life is too short to spend it on warring. Fight only the most, most, most important ones, let the rest go.” – C. JoyBell C.

Be willing to
be vulnerable


For most people, the thought of being vulnerable is very threatening. We think this will open us up to getting hurt. Actually, it’s the other way around. Being vulnerable is your greatest protection. When your walls of protection are down, you radiate love. This dissolves opposition and resistance against you. Getting hurt then becomes a lot less likely.

Have appropriate
boundaries.


One of the most vital components to creating a happy, healthy and fulfilling relationship is to become a master at setting boundaries. Simply put, boundaries are what set the space between where you end and the other person begins.
Depending on your upbringing and past experience, setting boundaries in relationships may be easier or more difficult for you. Often if we have had a parent, guardian or other person in our life during childhood who didn’t know how to set boundaries with us then we have to learn how to set boundaries in relationships. We have to learn when it is the proper time to set a boundary and how to find a balance in setting boundaries so they are not too weak or too strong

Give your relationship
attention and care.


All relationships require work.  They don’t just materialize and maintain themselves, and they aren’t built on a foundation of convenience either.  They take time and patience and two people who are willing to put in the effort.
Here’s how to do your part – one thing your relationships need from you:based on lack of attention damages relationships far more often than malicious abuse.  There’s nothing more vital to the bond you share with others than simply being there for them.
When we pay attention to each other we breathe new life into each other.  With frequent attention and affection our relationships flourish, and we as individuals grow stronger.  This is the side effect of a good relationship – we help heal each other’s wounds and support each other’s strengths.
 Stay in close touch with those who matter to you – communicate openly on a regular basis.  Not because it’s convenient, but because these people are worth the extra effort.

Be respectful. 


When you want to be respectful, try to put yourself in someone else's shoes and behave in a way that shows you care. At its heart, being respectful means showing that you value other people's perspectives, time and space.

Being respectful starts with a basic consideration of other people's feelings. Ask yourself how you'd want to be treated in a given situation, and make an effort to treat other people that way. Treat everyone you encounter - strangers on the street, coworkers, classmates and family members - with respect and courtesy

Maintain balance.


A well balanced life is essential for personal effectiveness, peace of mind and living well.
There is always someone, or something, to answer to. There are things we want to do and things we must.
The challenge is to balance what we must do with what we enjoy and choose to do. This is not always easy. If, however, we are unable to reduce stress and manage a well balanced life there can be physical and/or emotional health consequences

Give a sincere
compliment each day.


There are few things less charming than a contrived compliment. The important point is to be sincere: If you see something you like about someone, tell them. Don’t try to find something for the sake of being complimentary; that feels false. However, if you like the person's clothes, accessories or the way they did something, tell them. People can sense when it is sincere. If an individual isn't good at taking compliments, just move on gracefully, rather than trying to force them to accept it — that will make both of you uncomfortable.


MAINTAIN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP TODAY.

HELP SOMEONE SEE THIS,
Sharing is caring, you just might save a marriage.
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Wednesday, 22 February 2017

ARE WOMEN REALLY THE WEAKER SEX?

Author Unknown

ARE WOMEN REALLY THE WEAKER SEX?

Ambrose wrote;
A man was sick and tired
of going to work
everyday while his wife
stayed at home; he
wanted his wife to see
what he goes through
and so he prayed; “Dear
Lord, I go to work all day
and put in eight hours
while my wife stays at
home. I want her to know
what I
go through, so please
switch her body to mine
for a day, as I take hers.”
So God in His own infinite
wisdom granted the
man’s wish. The next
morning, sure enough,
the man awoke as a
woman.
He cooked breakfast,
awakened the kids, set
out their school clothes,
fed them, packed their
lunch, took them to
school, came back home,
picked up the dry
cleaning, took it to the
cleaners, went grocery
shopping, got home and
put away the groceries,
cleaned
the cat’s little box and
bathed the dog. By then it
was already 1:00pm.
He quickly went to make
the bed, do the laundry,
swept and mop the floor,
ran to school to pick up
the kids, got into an
argument with one of
them, set out milk and
cookies and got the kids
organised to do their
home work. He then set
the ironing board and
watched tv while he did
the ironing. At 4.30pm, he
began peeling potatoes
and washed the
vegetables for salad,
breaded the pork
chop and snapped fresh
beans for supper. After
supper, he cleaned the
kitchen, ran the
dishwasher, folded
laundry, bathed the kids,
put them to bed.
Now He’s exhausted, and
though his daily choice
wasn’t over, he went to
bed and was expected to
make LOVE, which he
managed to get through
without complaints.
Early in the morning, he
woke up and quickly
knelt down by the bed
and said: “LORD, I do not
know what I was
thinking, I was wrong to
envy my wife being able
to stay home all day.
Please let’s trade again.”
GOD answered: “Man I’d
love to answer your
prayers, but the time you
made love last night, you
got pregnant, so you
have to wait
for nine months to
change.” (The guy
fainted) LOLS.

One of the misguided ideas about women is that they are weaker than men and that is not true. The Bible says that they are physically weaker (1 peter. 3: 7), but it never indicate they are weaker in any other way. Women have the babies and believe me, when I say that you cannot be weak to do that.

“I might need my husband to open the lid on the new jar of mayonnaise but I have tremendous endurance when it comes to sticking with something until it is finished. I am not weak and a am not a quitter “. As a woman, refuse to see yourself as the “weaker sex”. ___Joyce Meyer 
Am I the weaker sex?
Don’t let that mind-set take hold of you. You can do what-ever you need to do in life.
The world is filled with single mothers whose husbands walked out on them and refused to support them and their children financially.
These moms are giants in my eyes.
They work hard to be both mom and dad to their children. They sacrifice time, personal pleasure and everything else imaginable because they love their children fiercely. They are certainly not weak being able to do that.
Men who merely walk away should know that strength does not walk away, but it works through situations and takes responsibility.
More than 10million single mothers today are raising children under the age of eighteen years. That number is up drastically from the 3milllion reported in 1970 and it’s estimated that 34% of families headed by single mothers fall under the poverty line (making less than $15,670 annually). Their biggest concern are much more basic than many two-parents care for their children; keeping a car running and living in a safe and comfortable house or apartment.
Some men think that if a woman is a stay at home mom and homemaker that she does nothing all day. He may say things like, “I worked all day, what did you?”
These types of comments can make a woman feel devalued, but they are made by men who have a tremendous lack of knowledge. Raising a family, taking care of a man and being a good homemaker is a full time work that requires overtime with no overtime pay.
I personally applaud the stay at home moms, especially those who do their job with joy.
They are my heroes!

LETS END THAT MYTH TODAY

Share this if you consent that to be true. Let's end the might that women are the weaker sex- make this post viral.
Share to care because sharing is caring
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